A guy's walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up.
A genie pops out and says, "Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."

The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia. So my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."

The genie says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved... think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."

The guy says, "Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted. I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with... you know, what makes them tick?"

The genie thinks a second, and says, "Would that road be two lanes or four?"

(a joke that landed in my mailbox in May 2002)

When You're Drunk...

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

> Indubitably

> Innovative

> Preliminary

> Proliferation

> Cinnamon

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

> Specificity

> Cogito ergo sum

> British Constitution

> Passive-aggressive disorder

> Loquacious

> Transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:

> Thanks, but I don't want to have sex

> Nope, no more booze for me

> Sorry, but you're not really my type

> No kebab for me, thank you

> Good evening, officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

> I'm not interested in fighting with you.

(another joke that landed in my mailbox, in November 2002)