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Subject: mental health hotline
Date: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 08:57:38 +0200
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welcome to the mental health hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
- If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3, 4 and 5.
- If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 6 for
- If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred
to the Mother Ship.
- If you are paranoid, there is no need to press any number.
We know who you are and what you what. Stay on the line so we
can trace your call. This call is being recorded.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice
will tell you which number to press.
- If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number
you press; no-one is going to answer anyway.
- If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
- If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key
until an operator comes on the line.
- If you have amnesia, press 8, and state your name, address,
telephone number, date of birth, Medicare number, tax file number
and your mother's maiden name.
- If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 000.
- If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after
the beep or before the beep or after the beep or before the
- If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short
term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our operators
are too busy talking to people more important than you.
- If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down
and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
¥ Why did the chicken cross the road?