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started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now
and then to loosen up.
Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was
more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself -
but I knew it wasn't true.
Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment
don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau
I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What
is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either.
One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the
meaning of life.
She spent that night at her mother's. I soon had a reputation
as a heavy thinker.
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you,
and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real
problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to
find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I
want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver.
"You think as much as college professors, and college professors
don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and
she began to cry. I'd had enough.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with
the NPR station on the radio.
I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors...
they didn't open.
The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for
me that night.
As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering
for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye...
"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?"
You probably recognize that line.
It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a Thinker's Anonymous meeting.
At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it
Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since
the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
did the chicken cross the road?